Allow yourself to embrace life’s adaptations.
This skill will help you to weather every storm on your journey.
At a young age, I had no choice but to learn to let go of any permanence.
Our family had no stability and I attended six different elementary schools before fully settling into just one junior high and one high school for the remainder of my secondary education.
Starting over year after year as the new kid was not easy nor fun.
As an adult now, it’s only been cemented further that life is forever changing and adapting is the best skill to develop in order to thrive.
At 16 years old, my dad suffered from a stroke and became a vegetable. My mom approved pulling the plug to take him off life support. After about two hours, I watched him take his dying breath and that was the moment I lost my safe place.
It was when I made the realization that life is short (he died at 52).
In hindsight, I don’t think I would subject my own child to that experience.
At 22, I discovered my mom had stolen my identity and maxed out four credit cards under my name.
I remember feeling low and trapped in debt. I was riddled with shame as I navigated adulthood after graduating from college. It was challenging trying to repay my student loans and massive credit card debt before I even found my footing in the world.
It felt like my life was over before it even had a chance to begin. I called the suicide hotline and spoke with one of its counselors because I was in so much distress.
I’m proud of me for being here to write this piece today.
At 24, I was the passenger in a major car accident that resulted in a spinal fracture.
I was bedridden for two months in which I couldn’t bend my back, and any time I wasn’t lying down, I was in a clamshell brace.
Whenever I had to leave the house wearing it, it made me feel self-conscious and disabled. Though I must admit, it allowed me to witness different sides of people I encountered. I appreciated the kindness and extra attentive care from those around me.
Later that year, I was cheated on by my first love/college boyfriend. That experience taught me that I have no tolerance for romantic betrayal. I’m married now, and this sentiment still holds true today.
I was often told “just wait until you’re married; just wait until you have kids; just wait until you share a mortgage.”
. . . I don’t need any of that to recognize that I don’t accept disrespect and selfishness in my life. Any man who could choose to be unfaithful to me in any capacity no longer deserves access to me. The mere fact that someone doesn’t love me enough to refrain from infidelity is enough of a reason for me to let him go.
There are no second chances. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go straight to jail.
At 30, I had been through three long-term relationships and became single again. I chose to decenter men and focus on building a life I love and am proud of—one that is authentic and true to me.
I spent time alone nurturing me: traveling, going to concerts, hiking, and playing music.
Knowing that I can achieve any desire by myself helped to build strength and confidence.
10/10 would always recommend; would do it again.
At 31, I was sexually assaulted.
Looking back, I still cannot fathom it. It took me years to radically accept that my body froze in the midst of being violated and failed to protect me.
This wasn’t your run-of-the-mill drunk guy at a bar feeling frisky and grabbing your ass kind of incident.
I wish.
This was premeditated as I was sleeping on the couch in my best friend’s house.
When I realized I couldn’t bring myself to step foot inside that house again after learning that it was undergoing renovations, it was finally time for me to fully process the traumatic event in order to let it go.
The space can be expanded and furniture rearranged a hundred times; it will always remain the living room where I was sexually assaulted.
Shortly after, my brother killed himself.
These two incidents are the reasons I stopped drinking alcohol. Nearly everyone pushed their unhealthy coping mechanisms onto me, and I didn’t want to go down the path of relying on getting high and drunk.
I wanted to grieve in a healthy manner, so that’s what I did.
Interestingly, my friend circle shrunk in a way I wouldn’t have expected. I no longer met up with people that I used to see only when drinking was involved.
Funny how that works.
Ultimately, grieving the loss of my best friend and brother taught me to freely let go of negativity in order to regain my sense of freedom and self-esteem.
At 35, I was diagnosed with cancer.
Since the day I received my diagnosis (D-day), surprisingly I have not been in any distress.
I wish my loving husband’s Oura ring could say the same for him.
Frankly, the amount of suffering up until this point just made it feel like another hurdle I had to go through.
Should the big C equate to my death sentence, I am willing to accept it as my fate.
Despite the pain I’ve endured throughout the years, I’ve lived a wonderful life. Somehow as time passed, it got less and less awful. I don’t think young me would’ve believed my life as it is now.
I’ve maintained trustworthy connections, traveled to the places I wanted to see, attended my favorite artists’ concerts and sang along to their songs, learned to play various instruments, studied different languages, and just generally built a full life that made me happy.
The hand I was dealt was not easy, but I was determined to play it well and I played to win despite the odds.
Hardship builds character. It builds emotional resilience to withstand the curveballs that life throws at us. Adapting is easy if you actually let go to make space for newness.
Allow life to surprise you in ways you couldn’t previously imagine.
I hope you find the courage to live a life true to you because at the end of it all, that’s all that truly matters.