I will die on this hill.
I have no sunk costs.
I learned this about myself at 24 years old after my first boyfriend/college sweetheart cheated on me.
From the day I found out, we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since.
And that’s the way it should be.
“But Jamie, it’s because you weren’t married to him/hadn’t had kids with him/invested a huge portion of your life building with him.”
I don’t need anything tangible present in order for me to recognize betrayal that leads me to walk away.
Any man who doesn’t love me enough no longer deserves access to me.
It’s important to make that distinction because a man may love and care for you, but sadly an inadequate amount to respect the sanctity of your romantic relationship.
I highly value integrity, and there are no reasons that could be provided for me to change my mind.
A lapse of poor judgment?
Expressing remorse?
Suggesting couples counseling?
Pass.
There is no second chance. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
A man who betrays you by engaging in infidelity is someone who cannot be trusted to truly care for you “in sickness and in health.”
In the dating phase before marriage, believe the type of man that he is when he shows you.
This is your romantic partner who is able to cheat on you while you are happy and healthy.
I always knew I held this sentiment regarding cheating, but fighting this disease has only cemented it further.
My oncology nurse asked me “Do you have a support network outside of your husband?”
Innocently, I had no idea that it’s common for spouses to leave their sick partners. It was pretty alarming for me to learn this.
Fortunately, the night before my cancer prognosis, my husband said to me: “I know we didn’t say any vows at our wedding. I want you to know that I married you and am committed to caring for you in sickness and in health. It is my duty as your husband to be there for you no matter what.”
At the time, I wasn’t afraid of death. My only fear about dying was leaving behind my 37-year old husband and turning him into a young widow.
Since my diagnosis, he has driven me to every appointment for my biopsies, imaging scans, consultations, and surgery. He brings his Kindle with him and waits around the hospital until I’m ready to go home.
It’s silly, but I had never felt more love radiating from him than when he bends down to remove/put on my socks and shoes.
Anyone can love you while you’re healthy, and a lack of integrity is all that’s required to cheat on you then.
But loving you while you’re sick? While you’re facing death? It takes a man who has discipline and self-control to relegate his own needs in order to focus on meeting yours as you fight for your life.
JT has elected to take on all of our chores in the house from cooking, cleaning, washing the dishes, taking out the trash, and tasks associated with Kenzo care (our golden retriever).
As an aside, I lose respect for any man who cheats on his pregnant wife, and it’s heartbreaking how prevalent this issue has become.
It’s honestly one of the saddest things to happen to a woman who’s in the most vulnerable stage of her life.
If your partner has cheated on you before you’re legally bounded, he did you a favor.
Afraid to let go after having invested so much, and scared you won’t get to enjoy the fruits of your labor? Sad that someone else will get to have what you worked to build?
You can reframe that narrative:
You are now free to find a man whose character and lifestyle had been built up by other women, and is single and seeking a new romance.
I did.
My husband and I often say we wouldn’t have been compatible with the previous versions of ourselves.
I have nothing but gratitude to his exes.
So, I encourage you to let go of the man who has cheated on you while you were living your best life. I implore you to resist testing the waters to see how he would behave when his needs are on the back burner while you carry his child or go through illness.
While we’re young and dating, it’s easy and smooth-sailing to just “be in a relationship.” But very few are willing to put in the work for a solid and thriving marriage despite the curveballs that life throws your way.
You deserve a man who loves you enough to put your relationship’s needs first at all times.
Good luck, love.