It’s a welcoming question that’s applicable at all ages.
Does love truly require compromises to be made?
I don’t believe so.
I used to hear people say “well, you can’t expect someone to check all of your boxes” as a euphemism for settling on aspects of a person as long as they checked some of the boxes.
Thanks, but no thanks.
From my dating history, I did not achieve my optimal happiness with my exes when I yearned for more from them—whether it was financial stability, generosity, a healthy lifestyle, emotional maturity, or a desire to contribute to our community.
Have you spent time with another person hoping they would change?
Ironically, it doesn’t end well but the sad ending that is your inevitable break-up will lead you to the right person.
You’ll know someone is the wrong person for you when you want more from life than they could give.
I remember the times I questioned myself “Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like?” and felt so damn sad and miserable.
At 30, I found myself single and back in the dating market again. I had been in three long-term relationships prior to meeting my now fiancé, and the stark difference is the mere thought of building a future together with him brings me peace and excitement simultaneously.
It is normal and healthy to want commitment, respect, and support from a partner. I encourage you to hold onto your values and refuse to bend them just to allow someone access to your life.
Here are ways that some thing could be lacking for you:
- You’ve been dating for 3+ months but s/he isn’t ready for exclusivity yet
- You’re in your 30’s and have been dating for 2+ years but s/he isn’t ready for an engagement/marriage yet
- You’re married and initially agreed to be childfree but now only one of you has changed your mind
- You’re in a monogamous relationship but your partner has betrayed you by engaging in infidelity
- You live a healthy lifestyle but your partner is content with an unhealthy/sedentary one
- You’re an avid traveler but your partner is a homebody who refuses to join and criticizes you for it
Life’s short, but it can feel pretty damn long when you’re feeling resentful while romantically intertwined with the wrong person.
It’s also too short to have a mediocre love life that isn’t bursting at the seams.
Following through with letting go of someone who leaves you wanting more will allow you to achieve your optimal happiness in life.
Dating is a numbers game, and you have to sift through a bunch of duds before someone sticks.
And even then, they can easily become unstuck because it’s a shit show out there.
If you value having a wonderful partner to share your life with, you have to work for it. At 32, I met JT on a dating app called Hinge, and I had met so many men for a first date before meeting him that I don’t even remember their names or faces at this point.
Finding a partner is no different from job hunting. When you’re out of a job, you find yourself sending out applications everyday as that’s now your full-time job until you land another one.
The same idea goes for romance—it requires time and energy to create the dating life you want to have.
As a woman, I can speak from personal experience that a man who takes great care of himself will take great care of you.
This ranges from building his career (life will only get more expensive here on out), developing high emotional stability (a man who’s unstable will wreak havoc on your immune system), and having strong discipline for a healthy and active lifestyle (because we’re here for a good and long time).
Don’t choose someone that you constantly have to prop up so that he can achieve more in life. I’ve personally taken on this role, and trust me, it is not our job to mother a man that we didn’t give birth to.
A man who is instinctively a provider will want to provide for you in all aspects of your life, and that stems from his own way of living first.
Dating isn’t easy and requires a ton of mental energy, but it’s worth it when you find the right person who doesn’t keep you up at night wondering if this is the best your life is gonna get.
The sooner you stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, the better.
You have the courage and strength to leave behind who isn’t meant for you. Getting to share this one adventure with the right partner will transform every aspect of life as you currently know it.
I hope you find and accept the great love that you deserve.