Living below my means to achieve the lifestyle I wanted.
While growing up poor was a strong motivator, it gradually became more about gaining financial freedom to have total control over my time.
I thought it was normal to attend a different elementary school for every primary grade we were in. At the very least, it was considered normal within my own family.
It wasn’t until I was in my teens and discovered that there are people who live out their entire childhood from a single home. I never knew what stability was; I never had the opportunity to experience it.
As I got older, I learned that landlords don’t like tenants who are consistently late on the rent payments. It then made sense why we had to move and adjust to a different home every year.
My family had no sense of financial stability as financial literacy clearly wasn’t a thing for my parents. For as long as I can remember, we were just surviving in order to simply exist.
We never took a single family vacation together.
In high school, I haven’t forgotten the starving after school Burger King hangouts. I just wanted to spend time with my friends, and I would be the only one sitting there without any food placed before me because “I wasn’t hungry.”
There were so many instances when my stomach was growling, and I would have to lie and claim that I didn’t want anything. Not my proudest moments, but what’s a girl to do who can’t afford to buy any food?
Through no fault of my own, I was also harassed on school grounds because someone in my family owed debt, and that person’s daughter was in the same class. Although she reached out years later to apologize, the trauma had already set in and the damage already been done.
Before 18, I had to repeatedly endure the negative impacts of money in my life.
My family’s financial situation became even more apparent once I was in college. I lived with six housemates, and every single one of them had a car.
I loved that their parents had the financial means and were willing to give them a head start in life.
It’s something I have a strong desire to provide for my child in the future.
We couldn’t afford another car or even insurance for me to have one while in school. I bussed everywhere around Davis and Sacramento, and honestly didn’t mind it.
That is, until I needed groceries. The memory that still hasn’t left me is having had to limit myself to the only groceries I was able to carry to the bus stop and later walk home with them.
To this day, I fondly think of and appreciate the times my housemates let me borrow their car or offered me a ride.
Right before I graduated from UC Davis, I tried to open my very first credit card and was denied.
Turns out during my college years away from home, a family member had stolen my identity and maxed out four credit cards without any intention of repaying them.
I didn’t even know your credit score could drop to the 500’s (it can actually drop even further to 300).
Upon graduation, not only was I in student loan debt, I was also liable for all of the credit card debt racked up under my name.
I felt so much shame because I was in massive debt and had no job lined up at the time. I can distinctly remember finding my life coming to a halt before it could even begin. I was consumed by self-doubt and stress, and felt so alone with where I was in life.
Life was so damn hard.
For more than two-thirds of my life up until now, all I knew was struggle.
When I finally started working, I saved any chance I could. For years, I didn’t upgrade my car or get a luxury apartment. I also had to get creative with ways to avoid spending money to increase my savings.
I got to pay off the debt and finally rebuilt my credit history. Taking full control of my finances helps to maintain an excellent credit score.
To this day, I still trim my own hair. I had bangs for several years and maintained them myself. Eventually, I realized I have no interest in paying somebody else to give me a haircut when I can cut it at my leisure in the exact style I want.
I rarely shopped for new clothes and wore repeat outfits to the office for nearly six years. My coworker knew how frugal I was and I would find it so funny and cute when she’d ask if an item was new if she hadn’t seen it before. No, it’d just been buried in my closet and resurrected for the day.
I have never wanted to have a lifelong career. Like, ever.
Our society’s metrics for success typically include getting a degree, a job, a spouse, having kids, and buying a home.
JT calls me a contrarian and he’s not wrong.
From all the betrayal, grief, and pain I’ve suffered through — my life has been anything but conventional. It comes as no surprise that I have chosen to create a life outside of the box.
I don’t buy into what society sells us in order to keep us trapped in the rat race.
My metric for success is getting to take my dog on a long walk at 11 AM on any weekday morning. It’s going on vacation for however long I want to without needing to ask anyone for permission. It’s getting to sit down and enjoy a slow breakfast every morning at my dining table.
Honestly, the list can go on and on, but there’s definitely one thing it doesn’t include:
Conspicuous consumption.
Consistently upgrading to the next bigger, shinier, new thing somehow announces to the world that we’ve made it.
The irony is that buying things to show people we have money actually requires spending it, and it’s a huge contributing factor to depleting our wealth.
Refrain from falling for that trap otherwise you will be forever trapped on the hamster wheel.
Now that I have stability in all aspects of my life, I work extra hard to distance myself from chaos. I put forth a copious amount of effort to maintain peace, and refuse to allow anyone to disrupt it.
Of course, anything can happen.
But what I can control — you bet I am consistently assessing every thing. Having total control over my time is the best thing that’s happened to me. I get to choose how I spend it and who I spend it with.
I share my story to open you up to the possibilities of where life can lead you to regardless of your upbringing.
You can overcome a bad childhood and even then, any mess ups as an adult. Your past doesn’t define you and you can rewrite your life story.
You just need to want it badly enough.
I knew I didn’t want to live a life of merely being in survival mode; I wanted to thrive.
I wanted to build a life that would allow me to freely explore the world.
Personally, that’s one of my favorite things about living in America: If you work smart enough, save and invest, you can achieve financial freedom and live however you want to.
I hope to inspire anyone who’s reading this to expand their mind and recognize that society doesn’t dictate the trajectory of your life.
You have the power to choose the life you want to create.
Best of luck to you and your financial journey!